


Still I Fall

by enid_salt



Category: To All the Boys I’ve Loved Before (2018)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anonymous Love Letter AU, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-05
Updated: 2018-11-02
Packaged: 2019-07-25 18:59:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,889
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16203689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/enid_salt/pseuds/enid_salt
Summary: Lara Jean likes beginnings better than endings. She's always out to start the school year out right.Then sophomore year throws her a curveball and Lara Jean responds accordingly; namely, doing something to try and take everything back to the way it used to be. But that doesn't work either. She also unintentionally ends up suffering through the longest, most miserable class period of her life because of it. Then it's over and she files this whole adventure away as a lesson learned.But junior year is going to be different. Lara Jean is prepared for every surprise and life changing hurdle.Enter one Peter Kavinsky.





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> This prologue sets up the circumstances of the divergence from canon - i.e. there aren't five letters. No other spoilers apply at this point.

After the giddiness of the First Day rush wears off, a new school year is pretty boring in the beginning. Routines are still being established and everyone starts to miss the summer-y, carefree life. 

Lara Jean isn’t worried too much about it. She likes her sophomore year classes, she’s found her buddies to sit with in each one, and she’s happy with her life. 

But - and there’s always a but - something happens the second week that shakes things up. 

Josh Sanderson transfers into her speech class. He’s her next door neighbor and as of last year, her sister Margot’s boyfriend. Before that, he was one of the first boys she ever loved. He never knew and thanks to sisterhood as a priority, he never will. 

When he sits down in the one empty space in the back, right next to Lara Jean, she leans over to ask how this happened - he’s a junior who’s not behind on any credits to her knowledge. 

“Debate doesn’t count as my speech credit because it was only one semester,” he shrugs it off. 

The other people in their corner clique, Lara Jean’s best friend Chris and another sophomore named Pammy commiserate with small groans. 

Lara Jean tries to put a positive spin on it, “At least you’ve got friends in class.” 

He nods. The group goes back to their original conversation - the perfect length of the wing in winged eyeliner and Josh valiantly tries to engage with some slightly sarcastic but never quite condescending quips. 

It unsettles Lara Jean to have Josh back like this - everywhere else, Margot is included, providing this bodily barrier that has made whatever feelings Lara Jean tried to tamp down harder to surface. 

Now, Lara Jean finds herself looking forward to speech class and less enthusiastic about whatever outing Margot makes her third wheel on. It’s a shift in the way she sees Josh and it’s becoming something that she knows she can’t turn back from. 

She decides to do something about it. 

She’s in class, not at home, so her first draft of a letter is just on loose leaf paper with her pencil. 

It feels too personal to put names on it just yet, so she starts it, “Dear You.” 

Then she’s off the rails. She writes and rewrites. Erasing and scratching and just pouring her heart out on the page. 

She goes back and forth on it for a week. At some point, she’ll have to finalize it but the idea that she doesn’t have to be done or over these feelings keeps her from putting pen to stationary paper. 

That’s how she gets caught; she gets too comfy. It’s a slow day in speech - the class as a whole knows their assignment and the group each already have their projects pretty much wrapped up. They’re just sitting and talking. 

Lara Jean dares take the letter out from the hidden pocket in her binder and starts her next line of revisions. 

“Earth to Lara Jean,” Chris’s voice comes through the haze, “whatcha workin’ on?” 

She tries to tuck it back into the back of the paper stack, “Nothing. Just some extra credit work.” 

The way she shies away lets them all know it isn’t remotely nothing. Chris leans forward to peek and as Lara Jean tries to pull the binder away, Chris’s hand snatches the page from the side. 

“This isn’t for school, obvi.”

As she reads, Pammy and Josh try and lean over. Even more so as Chris’s expression grows more and more shocked. She lowers the page from her face and before Lara Jean can take it back, Josh has grabbed for it and sets it on the desk so he and Pammy can scan it over.

Lara Jean is too frozen in shock, eyes locked with Chris who can’t even speak and just stares with this incredulous look of amusement on her face.

“Our little girl is in love,” she finally declares. 

Pammy puts a hand on her chest and wipes away a faux tear. 

Josh is particularly silent. He has finished reading but hasn’t looked up from the paper. Chris keeps trying to pinch Lara Jean’s cheeks and she swats her away. 

“Who is it?” 

Josh’s voice is strained and tight, “Who’s the “You” in “Dear You”?”

Lara Jean is panicked. She can’t reveal the truth but now Pammy and Chris are leaned in and Josh’s eyes won’t leave her face. 

She has to name the second most off-limits person she knows.

“Peter. Peter Kavinsky.” 

The best lies, Lara Jean has learned as an expert, have a seed of truth in them. 

Back in middle school, when there was a team of seventh graders hanging around her house and neighborhood, Peter was the most handsome boy of the group. Everyone knew it. 

Genevieve a.k.a. Gen, his current long term girlfriend and Lara Jean’s former best friend, knew it best. She was very vocal about his looks and how perfect she would be with him. Lara Jean tuned a bit of it out but part of her always thought him very attractive. And there was the matter of her first kiss with him way back in the day. She never quite let that go. 

Whatever the reason, that’s the name she blurts out as a distraction. 

“So, are you going to give it to him?” Pammy asks. 

“What? No. Never.” 

It wasn’t even truly meant for him and there is absolutely no reason for her to give a love letter to someone who is very much taken. Lara Jean keeps repeating this as she watches Josh bounce his gaze back and forth between her and the letter. 

“Why not? This is the time to do it, while he’s out from under that witch’s thumb.” 

Lara Jean frowns at Chris. She knows that although Chris and Gen are cousins, they never get along. 

“Since when?” Pammy snorts. 

It’s harsh but true that Gen is known for keeping Peter on a short leash like a pet. It’s hard to watch but even harder to talk out about. Peter is her consummate defender. 

Chris leans in close, making sure to get Lara Jean to hear her, “They broke up. Something about how his mom doesn’t like her too much and he’s at her house too often for her parents, blah blah blah. Whatever. Point is, the ball is totally in your court, Lara Jean. Take a chance and score Kavinsky before Gen comes back around for him.” 

Lara Jean shakes her head and tugs at her sleeves, one of her nervous habits, too overwhelmed by the information thrown at her. 

“I can’t just give him that letter and expect him to date me. Besides, it’s not even a good sheet of paper or my best writing. I could do so much better presentation wise.”

“Lara Jean, it’s a love letter not a resume. He’s not hiring you as a non-platonic companion/love interest/fun girl to have around.” 

Pammy nods enthusiastically, incensed by the juicy gossip and opportunity to be on the ground floor for one of the biggest social status quo shake ups since the last graduating class had all three top students in line as valedictorian suddenly bomb finals and drop out of the top ten. 

“You can’t just hold stuff like this in. You have to tell people how you feel when you feel it, Lara Jean,” Josh has recovered some and he even hands the letter back to Lara Jean. 

She stares down at the paper and wonders how she can take this advice if she can’t even be honest who the promises of forever and always are meant for. 

“It’s still an ugly letter - all the eraser marks and smudging. I wouldn’t hand this in as an assignment much less a confession of all my secret crushing.” 

“So rewrite it: put it on your best stationary and seal it with a kiss,” he suggests.

Chris nods, “That’s good. Get it all Lara Jean style and show him you mean business.” 

Pammy smirks, “Risky Business, if you get what I mean.”

Lara Jean doesn’t get it but Chris is holding in a snort and Josh isn’t meeting her eyes. It must be a mature reference. 

“Don’t be gross, Pammy.” 

She sticks her tongue out, nose wrinkled, “Don’t be a prude, Lara Jean.” 

Lara Jean looks back at the letter, “Maybe I will put it down on good stationary. If only to keep.”

Josh makes a closing argument, “The person that letter is meant for deserves to see it and know how they have options. Even if you don’t sign your name, you should get it to him.” 

Lara Jean doesn’t say anything but she takes the comment to heart. 

She doesn’t finish Josh’s letter. She puts the draft as it is away in a box for safekeeping. In a way, it’s the best way to preserve the emotions and heartache - full of potential and ardor that can fade with time and distance. 

The idea of actually writing a letter for Peter doesn’t even register in her mind. 

But it doesn’t seem to leave the rest of her friends alone. They ask about it constantly, badgering her every time she walks into speech class. Josh even gives her meaningful looks outside of class. She becomes paranoid that he knows. The only solution she has is to throw off his scent. She has to write a love letter to Peter Kavinsky. 

It starts out innocent enough. Saying the words but not meaning them. But it doesn’t sit right - if they read it, which Lara Jean assumes is part of this whole fiasco, they won’t believe it. Not after what they’ve already read. 

She tries again, putting down the same fantasies that she had woven for Josh’s letter but that isn’t good either. Peter is not Josh. 

Peter is . . . classic. He’s that crush that comes along in the early days of pre-pubescence and just never leaves the heart. With gorgeous features that he only continues to grow into, he’s the sort of handsome that just keeps coming back into vogue year after year. Lara Jean spends quite of bit of time putting pen to paper to describe the little details in his face that haunt her memories. 

There’s more after that - Lara Jean was friends for him for the three years of middle school, she’s not completely unaware of the kind of person he is. She lists the best of her observations: his sweetness, the ease of which he can make even boring things fun, and the way he remembers smaller but more caring details about people. Peter Kavinsky may be the guy who always takes the last slice of pizza but he’ll always get your favorite toppings right. 

There was a time, back in middle school when Lara Jean and Gen were still friends, that Lara Jean forced herself to tally all the things she didn’t like about Peter to counter all these positives that laid the foundation for her crush. It was upsetting and harsh; everyone has flaws and Lara Jean wasn’t exactly a perfect person herself, even then. She decides to leave them out of this letter. 

It’s nice, she ponders, to let herself feel those fluttery, heart-warming feelings about Peter without conditions and limitations. She’s always liked him. He’ll always be her first kiss. And now, as Lara Jean signs “From Me, With Love” and folds the letter up, he’ll forever be her first real love letter. 

Carrying the letter is not like the draft she wrote for Josh. She’s fully aware of the folded sheet tucked securely in a folder in the back pocket of her binder. It’s practically under lock and key, Lara Jean won’t take the chance that this one will slip out and into unsavory company. 

She isn’t expecting to talk about it so soon, speech class isn’t on the schedule today and she only sees Chris in World History - which, in fact, also has Peter. But as soon as she walks into Mr. Nielsen’s classroom, Chris is hot on her tail. 

“Did you write the letter yet?”

She’s not whispering but it’s a presentation day, so kids are running in and out and everyone’s loud, not worried about sitting down and waiting for a lecture. Lara Jean isn’t paranoid about people listening to them for a second. 

“Sure did.”

Chris keeps trying to grab Lara Jean’s stuff. Chris’s group is listed to go later in the week so she doesn’t have to bother to do anything but sit and watch today, she won’t give up until she see the letter. 

Lara Jean sits down squaring away her book bag and binder before taking out the letter and surreptitiously handing it to Chris, palm to palm. 

“Don’t show it off. It’s anonymous, like the first one.” 

Chris nods and slinks away. Lara Jean doesn’t want to seem obvious, so she doesn’t follow Chris’s trail to watch her read the letter. A minute before the bell, Chris comes back and sits on the desk behind Lara Jean, smiling sweetly. 

“What did you think?” 

Chris leans in, not hearing over the clamor, “What?” 

Lara Jean holds a hand out, “The letter. What did you think - where is it?” 

Chris looks around and leans back in, “I handed it over to Sanderson. I didn’t read it.”

“What?!” 

It’s a little too loud and screechy but there’s that cover of everyone else focused on their own thing that saves Lara Jean from being stared at. 

“I thought it was go-time. I handed it to Josh and he’s gonna hand it to Pe-” 

Lara Jean’s flailing hands cut her off. 

“He’ll hand it to the receiver. If he’s asked, he’ll say someone shoved it at him in the hallways. No one will be able to trace it directly back to you. Keep cool.” 

She can’t. Because Peter walks in, right as the bell rings, with pretty much the entire rest of the class, all of whom are clambering around him and the paper in his hands. He got the letter already. He’s reading it. Everyone is reading it. Lara Jean turns in her seat, pretends she doesn’t even notice the commotion. 

But she keeps tabs through her peripheral vision. It’s not even in Peter’s hands anymore - different lacrosse teammates are passing it around. There’s all kinds of reactions happening - laughter and whooping and wolf whistles. Lara Jean pulls out a random notebook and opens it. She focuses so hard on the words without reading. She blinks away tears, fearful they will give her away. 

Her heart breaks when it reaches Gen and her new best friend Emily. They read it and faux-swoon. They do out loud readings of particular lines and Lara Jean has to turn her head away. Focuses on her blurred reading of whatever’s on her desk and covers her ears, like the noise is getting to her. 

She doesn’t get a chance to notice how Peter snatches the paper back, ignoring the rest of the class as he folds it carefully and tucks it in an inside pocket of his jacket. He’s blushing but trying to keep his face impassive and doesn’t indulge in the conversation that surrounds him. 

Mr. Nielsen steps in to quiet the class and start the presentations, effectively ending the pandemonium as quick as it began. In between groups, the questions continue, and Lara Jean tries valiantly not to listen to each one. 

“Is it even really for him? It doesn’t have his name on it.”

“Duh, dude, Josh Sanderson said he was asked to give it to Peter. Specifically.” 

Chris does her best to comfort Lara Jean without drawing attention to them. 

“Who wrote it?” 

“Someone creative-” 

“-Someone desperate.”

That’s Gen, Lara Jean can tell without looking. 

“Maybe it’s that junior - with the glasses and the big ol’ t-” 

“Mr. Rivera, please get your group together for your presentation.” 

It eats up some of the class time so Lara Jean’s group is pushed to the next time. She’s grateful because she isn’t in any shape to present and knows it would be a dead giveaway. 

Peter flies out of the classroom when the bell rings and he’s tight-lipped about it all day, so the mass fascination dies out quickly. Lara Jean is so thankful and so very tired at the end of the day. 

Speech class is pretty awkward. Lara Jean doesn’t blame Chris or Josh, but both of them and Pammy, who wasn’t even in the same hall for that period, keep apologizing for the misunderstanding. 

“Guys, stop. We can’t take it back. At least Peter isn’t being a jerk about it.” 

He isn’t saying a word about it. He lets his friends razz him and listens to a dozen girls confess they were the ones who wrote it, only to have him ask them the last line, weeding out the wrong answers. Gen, without ever saying she wants him back, takes to hanging around Peter and practically hanging off him. By the next week, almost everyone has forgotten that Peter Kavinsky got an anonymous love letter in the middle of the hallway. 

“I read it,” Josh confesses. 

It’s Saturday, Josh is over for a movie marathon with Margot. Lara Jean had joined in for the last film. She and Josh are on opposite ends of the couch, while Margot grabs more refreshments from the kitchen.

“When Chris handed it to me, I read it. I was so caught up, I almost missed Kavinsky. That’s why he got it right before walking into class. I’m sorry.” 

Lara Jean nods. She stops munching on the last kernels of popcorn in the bowl in her lap. 

“Why?” 

Josh shrugs, “I just. I wanted to know what it said.” 

Lara Jean shrugs herself. 

“I would have told you. Although, with how it ended up, I would have preferred you read it and just forgot about giving it to Peter at all.” 

Josh sighs, “Yeah, well, like I said. I’m sorry.”

Lara Jean looks at him, it’s not his fault her letter was meant for one of the most gossiped about people in school. 

“I forgive you, Joshy.” 

They don’t ever talk about the letter again. It becomes a weird, funny memory in Lara Jean’s mind.


	2. Part I.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The start of all things new. Junior year begins!

A year later, things are different. 

Margot is in Scotland for college, Josh is not her boyfriend anymore, and Peter has been back with Gen since the last winter. 

Lara Jean is taking her junior year in stride though. She’s literally striding down the hallway, cute new boots making a distinct thump on the floor. She quickly tries to get in a friendly hello to Josh when she runs into Gen. 

“Watch your step!” Gen snaps at her. 

Lara Jean tries to apologize but Gen has slammed her locker shut and just barrels past her down the hall. Chris comes up and wraps an arm around Lara Jean’s shoulders.

“It’s all good. She’s just been in super extreme moods lately.”

As they coo over the boots and the way they add a certain badassery to her outfit, Peter pauses on his way down the hallway.

“Hey Covey,” he greets her before giving a once-over look, “those are some cool boots. Looking good.” 

He smirks and keeps walking. Lara Jean flounders as a response but Chris manages to shoot him a questioning look that he ignores. 

“What was that?” 

Chris shrugs, “I dunno. He’s right, though.”

Lara Jean shakes her head and starts toward class. 

At lunch, she’s got nowhere to go. Gen catches her shoulder as she brushes past her in the cafeteria and Lara Jean can’t stand to stay there after that. She ends up outside on the bleachers. Josh is there, sitting alone. Since the break up, he’s been pretty absent around the house. Lara Jean wants to just go over but the uncertainty holds her back for a second - if he needs space to get over it, she doesn’t want to push. 

In the end, she wants to eat lunch and it doesn’t make sense to ignore him. 

“Got room for one more?”

He takes out his headphones and nods before slipping one back in. 

They sit in relative silence with his music and her carrot crunching before he asks. 

“Did you know?” 

She shakes her head. 

“I’m sorry. She didn’t tell me about this.” 

Josh looks at her and sighs. Part of everything that happened with her and that letter from last year did one good thing - it put her feelings about Josh into perspective. She wasn’t falling for him as much as she was missing him - Josh, her best friend. She doesn’t want to lose him just because he isn’t Margot’s boyfriend anymore. 

“We’re cool though, right?” 

He takes a minute to consider before offering her an earbud to listen in. She leans in and puts the earbud in. Lara Jean doesn’t know the band from anything but she knows a peace offering when she sees one.

“Yeah, we’re cool.” 

It’s a bit unnerving the way they’re physically closer but still feel miles apart. Lara Jean can tell he keeps sneaking glances at her but they’re not talking. If she thinks about it, she can’t remember the last time they had this much quiet between the two of them. 

On the way into the building to get to her next class, she passes by the cafeteria’s open doors. Peter is still at his usual table, cleaning up his lunch tray. He catches her eye and throws up a peace sign as a greeting. Lara Jean stumbles past the open doors, waving a shy hello back. Somehow, Peter Kavinsky can throw her off with only a simple gesture. After school, she’s still so flustered that she almost backs up into traffic. Kitty knocks twice on her helmet and Lara Jean hangs up her car keys and resigns herself to the school bus. 

It doesn’t really ever stop. She has Peter in her Chemistry and English Literature classes and he’s not, exactly, different. Just, more interactive with her in particular. He says hi, not just in class but every time they pass by each other. In Chem, he sits right in front of her so whenever there’s a lull he turns around and makes conversation. Lara Jean isn’t suspicious as much as she’s caught off-guard every single time. After she gives a presentation in Lit, he leans over and says “good job” and gives her a wink. 

Lara Jean files all these little instances away for analysis and interpretation later. Something isn't adding up for her and she feels like she missing a puzzle piece.

Running on the track in P.E. and getting the scoop from Chris sheds new light on the subject. 

“Gen was getting too friendly with some college guy - just textually, but, Peter found out and dumped her. At the beginning of the year.” 

Lara Jean chokes on her drink from her water bottle, “So. Wow. That explains Hurricane Gen.” 

Chris rolls her eyes, “Especially since she keeps trying to like, talk to him and get him back to being her whipping boy but he just shuts her down. It’s almost sad. Mostly hilarious.” 

Lara Jean mulls over the news while still slowly making her way around the track’s curve. 

“Do you think that’s why he’s been like - well, you know - ”

“Totally fresh with you since the first day of class? Probably.”

Lara Jean nods slowly. It doesn’t seem real or even possible, that someone like Peter could look at her like that. She’s not entirely unpopular but she doesn’t pop, like most of the lunchroom royalty crowd does. Any one of them could be spotted from a mile away, exuberant and magnetic; like teenagers in commercials or movies. 

“From what I hear, he’s been much more outgoing and charming than he ever has been,” Chris adds.

“So, don’t take this the wrong way, but you’re probably on a list of his options.” 

That sounds much more realistic to Lara Jean than anything else that’s happened since the beginning of the year. 

She resolves to let it settle on its own. Peter can flirt with anyone and everyone, he’s not getting under her skin just to pick someone else. 

In Chemistry class the next day, Peter says hi in his new usual way, plopping down in the seat and turning to face her. 

Lara Jean nods and says “hello” but continues reading her book. She read the assigned selection already but she wants to re-read a part so she can take some notes and make sure she’s not mis-remembering details. 

He leans over, trying to peek at where she’s at in the book, “Partied too hard last night and trying to catch up, Covey?” 

“No, just reading.” 

It’s not cold or impolite, just casual. That’s Lara Jean’s new motto for this thing with Peter. Keep it casual. 

He continues watching her for a minute, drumming his fingers on the desk chair’s back. When she doesn’t look up from the book before the bell, he turns around. 

At lunch, she waits by Chris’s car so they can sneak off to grab some Subway before the truancy cops can bust them for leaving school grounds. 

Peter jogs over, “Hey, Lara Jean!”

She looks up from her phone after checking the time. 

“Hey, Peter.” 

He motions to the car, “Cutting out for lunch? How daring.” 

Lara Jean shrugs, “Chris has a craving for moderately priced toasted sandwiches.” 

He laughs, leaning on the car parked next to Chris’s. 

“I get it. I’m about to go grab some contraband food and drink myself. The organic grocery down on 3rd has the best kombucha.” 

Lara Jean tilts her head, “You drink kombucha?”

Peter smiles, “Yeah. It’s better than the probiotic thing my mom takes like three times a day. Have you tried it?” 

“No. My little sister Kitty and I stick to this Korean yogurt smoothie we know. It’s pretty good but you can only buy it at the Korean grocery across town.”

Peter nods, “Oh, that sounds cool. I’ll have to try it.”

Then he lifts off the car, snapping his fingers, “Better idea - we’ll do a trade. Tomorrow, I’ll bring you kombucha and you bring one of those yogurt smoothies. We can compare and contrast.”

Lara Jean laughs. He makes it sound drinking vaguely healthy drinks is a cool pass time they happen to share. Her first instinct is to say thanks but no, that’s certainly more in line with her new approach to this whole Peter. But it's just kombucha and yogurt. 

“Sure. I’ll meet you in the cafeteria tomorrow morning? I take the bus so I’ll be here kind of early.” 

Peter nods and sticks out his hand for her to shake on it. 

He walks away to get to his Jeep and Chris finally arrives as he’s out of sight. 

“What was that about?”

Lara Jean smiles, “Just agreeing to get kombucha from Peter in exchange for a yogurt drink tomorrow morning.” 

Chris unlocks the car and they hop in.

“Peter’s flirting game has gotten weird since Gen.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. 

“I’m keeping it casual with Peter. No flirting.”

Chris snorts, “Sure, sure.” 

In the morning, she’s struggling to get ready in time to catch the bus. She’s still fighting her ponytail when she calls out to Kitty. 

“Grab me an extra bottle, please!”

As she pulls on her boots, Kitty walks over with the yogurt. 

“Why are you taking one?”

Lara Jean tucks it away safely in her book bag, “Peter wants to try it. He’s bringing me a drink in return. It’s a trade.”

Kitty narrows her eyes at Lara Jean. 

“What Peter?” 

“Peter Kavinsky. He was part of that group I hung out with in middle school. Dated Gen. You’ve met Peter.” 

Granted it was once when they all biked back to the Covey house for snacks and Kitty was little enough to not bother the big kids but it should count.

“Dated? As in currently single?”

It’s Lara Jean’s turn to roll her eyes. 

“Yeah. He’s super single. Got tall and handsome, too. Would you like me to put in a good word for you?”

Kitty pushes her glasses up her nose, “I’m not doing the “boy crazy” thing right now. I have studies to focus on. But you, Lara Jean, could use a boyfriend.”

Lara Jean quotes Margot and by extension, their mother, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.” 

Kitty nods.

“True. But you’re also taking the bus to school and spend most weekends with me watching TV. So. Get that bike, little fish.” 

“I’m taller than you.”

Kitty scoffs as she walks off to catch her bus, “For now.” 

At school, Lara Jean walks into the cafeteria to wait for Peter. There’s actually more kids hanging out around tables in there than are spread out around the rest of the campus. She finds an empty table near Peter’s usual crowd and sits down. 

As she goes over some homework, the hairs on the back of her neck stand up. It’s like someone’s watching her and she can feel it. She glances up, quick, but no one’s looking her way. 

Peter walks up to the table and pulls out a chair to sit next to Lara Jean. 

“Hey Covey, how’s it going?”

“Good, how about you?”

He shrugs, wry smile on his face, “Better, now that I’m here.” 

Lara Jean eyes him with an incredulous look before shaking it off and taking the yogurt smoothie out of her bag. 

“Try it and be amazed.” 

Peter sets down a bottle of kombucha for Lara Jean and picks up the smoothie. He pops off the foil top and takes a swig. Lara Jean opens the bottle and takes a small sip.

“Wow, this is great,” Peter says before taking another drink. 

Lara Jean nods and sips again from her bottle, “This isn’t bad either. A bit vinegary but it’s growing on me. I like the lemon ginger flavor.” 

She twists the bottle’s cap back on and Peter chugs down the rest of the yogurt. It’s smaller than the bottle he got her, naturally, but she hadn’t expected him to devour it. 

“Okay, so I’m definitely liking that drink. What do I have to do to get another one tomorrow?” 

Lara Jean chuckles, “Wow. Um, like I said, there’s the Korean grocery across town but for now, I’ll bring you one in the mornings. But for a price.”

A brilliant idea has formed in her mind and this is her opening to strike.

Peter leans in, voice low, “What’s the price?” 

Lara Jean pulls back a bit, reacting before she can think about it, “My sister and I could use a ride to school. She’s at the middle school, it’s on the way.” 

Peter sits up and nods, “Okay, daily fare to school for one (1) yogurt smoothie. Sounds legit.”

They shake hands on it, again, and each head to class. 

Later, during lunch, Chris is first to the car and raring to go - she wants to try and see if they can make it all the way to a different sub place and back. 

“Why don't you just buy bread and sandwich fixings and pack your lunch?” 

Lara Jean had jogged so quickly to catch the rolling car, she has to readjust her ponytail in the tiny sun visor mirror. 

“It's putting money back in the economy and I'm too rebellious to just sit in the caf and eat sad chicken salad.”

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. 

“Speaking of; I hear you and Kavinsky were getting cozy in the caf this morning.”

Lara Jean frowns, “I told you yesterday - mutual exchange of drinks. That's all. Also, it's gonna be a regular thing. I supply his new Korean yogurt addiction and he brings me and Kitty to school. It's ingenious.”

Chris turns to look at her while they're stopped at a red light. 

“What?” 

“He's driving you and your sister to school?” 

Lara Jean nods.

“Not your next door neighbor who has always been a reliable ride - Peter Kavinsky, who never turns down an excuse to sleep in, is giving you and your sister a ride.” 

Lara Jean rolls her eyes and nods a more exaggerated gesture. 

“So much for keeping it casual.”

“It is! Kitty will be there and it's a ride to school not to a wedding chapel.”

Chris snorts, “I'm pretty sure Vegas has a drive-thru wedding chapel. In fact, you may want to be wary if he says he knows a great short cut.”

“Ha ha,” Lara Jean fakes a laugh, “and the light is green.”

They take off. The subs are good but the two of them make it back just in time to scarf down the food and head to class. 

Kitty is complaining about the bus the next morning and Lara Jean allows it to go on because she knows that once Peter pulls up, her tune will change. 

“Oh hell yeah!” 

Peter hops out of the Jeep and walks around to open the doors for them, scoring him even higher on the coolness scale with Kitty. 

Lara Jean stops her sister short of climbing in and makes a sweeping gesture for the introductions.

“Katherine Song-Covey, Peter Kavinsky. Peter Kavinsky, Katherine Song-Covey.”

Peter bows but Kitty just snorts and climbs in the Jeep. Lara Jean shrugs and hops in herself.

Peter gets back in the driver’s seat and Lara Jean pulls out the yogurt smoothie. 

“Yes,” Peter cheers and pops open the smoothie to take a swig.

“So, you like the yogurt?” Kitty leans forward. 

He nods. 

“Yup, that’s the agreement. One yogurt per ride.”

Kitty turns a bit to face Lara Jean, “We’ll have to buy extra. I’m not going back to the bus.” 

Peter laughs, he catches Kitty’s eye in the rearview mirror, “I won’t say no to more yogurt but hey, as long as you guys need it, I’ll be the new bus.” 

Lara Jean jumps in, “You don’t have to. I mean, eventually, I’ll be driving. Soon.” 

Peter shrugs, “It’s cool. I already like driving you and Miss Katherine. Seems like great company.”

Lara Jean tries not to laugh in his face. 

Kitty butts in again, “My friends call me Kitty. And you, Peter, totally count as a friend right now.” 

Peter whoops, “Look at that, one ride and I'm already making friends off this. This is highly profitable for me.” 

They drop Kitty off first in all her hyped-up exhilaration and get to school before the bus would have dropped Lara Jean off. 

“Thanks for the ride,” she offers as she climbs out of the vehicle.

“No problem, Covey. Happy to do it.” 

She watches him get out of the Jeep and walk around it. He’s got a genuine smile on his face and this light-hearted spring in his step. It’s a good look on him. Whatever his plan is with this whole “not a care in the world” thing, she hopes it keeps him this happy. 

The mornings are much easier and overall more enjoyable now that Peter is taking them to school. Friday morning, he brings donuts with him. 

“To go with the yogurt.” 

They munch down and as they pull into the middle school parking lot, Peter tosses out an idea. 

“Greg’s having a party at his new pad tonight. Wanna go?” 

Lara Jean double takes and even looks back at Kitty in case he’s seriously asking her eleven year old sister to hang out. 

“I . . . you mean me?”

Peter nods. 

Lara Jean shakes her head and faces forward, “No. Can’t. Gotta . . . bake cupcakes for Kitty’s bake sale.” 

She does. Well, that’s her plan. Do the cupcakes tonight so even if they snack on a few, she has time to bake another batch before the sale starts on Sunday. 

“Those cannot be your only plans tonight.” 

Kitty has leaned all the way forward. 

Peter shrugs, “Kid’s right. I’m sure she and Dr. Covey can handle that. And you guys should do something easier - like brownies. Cut ‘em in squares.” 

Kitty holds up a hand for him to be quiet and Peter does. He has learned quickly that Kitty is all business. 

“Lara Jean, I am eleven and I have better plans with friends than baking. Go to the party.” 

Lara Jean starts to get a little indignant to be lectured by her own sixth grader sister on how to be a teenager. 

“Okay, you know what? We’re at your school. Go be eleven out there.” 

Kitty rolls her eyes and starts out of the Jeep. 

Lara Jean leans out the open window of the car door, “And don’t you dare make Daddy do all the baking just so you can frost! That’s an earned privilege!” 

She sits back in her seat, a little stunned. 

Peter hasn’t started the car again. 

“So, you’re coming to the party?” 

Lara Jean glances at him. He’s got this pout - a wide-eyed puppy face that must work wonders on everyone else. 

“Sure. For a little bit.” 

Peter grins and starts the engine. 

They get to school and right before they part ways, Peter calls out to her.

“I’ll pick you up at 8.” 

Lara Jean stops in her tracks. It’s too late, Peter’s disappeared into the crowd. 

She didn’t realized she was agreeing to go with him. It kind of puts a damper on her plans to fake sick and get out of going at all. 

Lara Jean spends most of the day trying to ignore the usual nerves she gets about going out and socializing. She almost consults Chris but ends up holding the words back, worried that her reaction might make her more nervous overall. 

After school, she changes her outfit three times before dragging Kitty into the room to get her opinion. 

Kitty pulls at her scrunchie, “Hair down. It takes the ensemble up a notch.” 

Lara Jean frowns. 

“Don’t lose that. It’s my favorite scrunchie.”

Kitty makes a show of shoving the scrunchie in a half open trinket box in the corner. 

During final approvals, the laptop on her desk rings with a Skype call. 

It’s Margot and the two sisters answer it with Lara Jean stood back. 

“What do you think?”

Margot leans in, squinting at the screen to look at her sister. 

“Nice outfit. Like the shoes. What’s the occasion?” 

Lara Jean holds out her arms like she’s displaying a prize, “I’m going to a party!” 

“With a boy,” Kitty adds before Lara Jean tries to shove her out of frame.

Margot tilts her head to the side, “What boy?”

Lara Jean acts like it’s not a big deal when she answers, “Peter Kavinsky.” 

Kitty hops on Lara Jean’s bed to get back into the conversation, “He drives us to school! He likes the Korean yogurt and he even gets Lara Jean this weird drink some mornings.” 

Lara Jean explains as she tugs at Kitty’s legs, “I’m trying kombucha. It’s a trade agreement.” 

Margot laughs over the Skype call and leans her head on her hand. 

“Sounds like things are changing around there. Nice to get caught up on things.”

She pauses for a minute while Lara Jean finally sends Kitty out of the room to start the cupcakes. 

“So, have you seen Josh lately?” 

Lara Jean stills, a little surprised. 

“Yeah. Here and there. He . . . doesn’t come around that often. Obviously.” 

Margot nods, she’s not looking into the camera anymore. 

“I’m sorry.”

Lara Jean shakes her head, “Don’t be. You did what you had to. I never want to lose Josh completely but . . .”

She trails off a bit, wondering what exactly she was going to say next. 

Margot straightens up, “Okay, that’s enough for tonight - I have studying to do, you have a party. And let’s be real, someone should always be monitoring Kitty around pure sugar and sharp objects.” 

Lara Jean smiles, “Miss you, Margot.” 

“Miss you too, Lara Jean.” 

They sign off and Lara Jean walks downstairs to wait and oversee Kitty. 

After about five minutes of hovering, Kitty banishes Lara Jean to the living room. 

It suits Lara Jean just fine because she ends up starting Sixteen Candles and setting herself up for a 80’s movie marathon.

Peter arrives and Kitty is the one to let him in, post checking the oven for one of the cupcake batches. 

“Peter’s here.” She announces while he hops on the couch, right next to Lara Jean. 

“Hi.”

She finally breaks eye contact with the screen and turns to him, “Hi.”

He nods toward the movie, “Am I interrupting?”

Kitty shouts from the kitchen, “Oh no. I’ve got this all handled. You guys just sit on the couch and stare at each other.” 

Lara Jean shouts back, “You shoved me over here and said if I tried to re-measure a single teaspoon you’d scoop my eyes out.” 

Peter chuckles and leans back, “We may have overestimated Kitty’s enthusiasm for baking.” 

Lara Jean waves in the general direction of the kitchen. 

“She’s fine.”

Her attention has drifted back to the movie. Peter sits back and then looks at Lara Jean again. 

“So, are you ready to go then?” 

Lara Jean pretends not to hear him and retreats a little bit further into the couch. 

Peter tugs at her sleeve, “Come on, you said you’d go. “For a little bit”. Just a quick check in, Covey.”

Lara Jean shrugs, “But how could this party possibly be better than an 80’s marathon - I mean it’s Sixteen Candles and then I could bring up Pretty in Pink! Back to back showings!”

Peter rolls his eyes, “I’m sure you haven’t seen either of them more than a thousand times. Especially together like always happens with old movies.” 

“Not old,” Lara Jean pokes at his arm, “classic. Quintessential teen movies.” 

Peter scoffs, “I’ve never seen them. And I’m a teen.”

Lara Jean stops, “You haven’t?”

He doesn’t say anything else, like it’s not a big deal to him. 

“Okay, new plan - you stay here and we watch these movies together. It’s a rite of passage, Peter.” 

Peter straightens up, “What about the party?” 

Lara Jean frowns a bit. 

He rolls up his sleeve, “Listen. We can call this another trade. Party tonight and I’ll be on the hook for one night of 70’s movies.”

Lara Jean narrows her eyes, “80’s. They’re from the 1980’s.” 

Dr. Covey walks in the house at this point. He’s got takeaway but quickly puts it down on the dining room table when he spots Lara Jean and Peter. 

“Hey there, Lara Jean. And, is this really Peter Kavinsky? My my, it’s been years.” 

Peter immediately gets up and walks around to greet Dr. Covey. They shake hands and Lara Jean watches from the couch, assessing the situation. 

“I know you’re not here for Lara Jean’s School of John Hughes’s Achievements in Cinema - what’s the plan for tonight?” 

Before anyone else can speak, Kitty walks over and starts pointing them out one by one with the whisk in her hand. 

“They’re going to a party tonight. Daddy, you and I are on cupcake duty. Clear enough? Good.” 

She turns on her heel and gets to the oven right as the bell dings and takes out her first, perfect batch of cupcakes to cool. 

Dr. Covey laughs and starts to roll up his shirt sleeves, “Well, we all heard the lady. Let’s get cracking.” 

Peter and Lara Jean walk out the door and down the driveway to his Jeep. Again, Peter opens the passenger door for her. 

“I like the hair down.” 

She turns to him before getting in. 

He motions to her hair, “It looks good down. I mean, it always does. Just. Extra good.” 

Lara Jean grins, “Thanks.” 

The party is nothing like she expected and yet more than she imagined. The house is a spectacular sight and it’s packed with people but it’s mostly people from school. Even with the crowded clumps and drinking and everyone dressed up, it’s like being in the cafeteria in the mornings but with better music. Lara Jean stops focussing on where she is and tries to acclimate herself to the new environment. 

Peter does makes the rounds as Lara Jean aimlessly wanders at the fringe, not commiting to a group or conversation. 

He catches back up with her and makes sure she greets the party host Greg as he racks up another beer pong win. She’s trying to figure out the game when Greg tosses her a ball to get her in. She only barely catches it. But Peter and Greg both motion for her to try. 

Lara Jean moves to stand in front of the table and takes a moment to aim. She bounces it and . . . it lands squarely in the other teams’ cup. Cheers erupt and the person on the other side of the table claps at her achievement before drinking the beer. Peter posts a photo of Lara Jean he took mid throw on instagram. She immediately gets the notification and rolls her eyes but likes it with a quick double tap. 

Peter pulls her out of the line of fire as the game goes on, “Wanna drink?”

She nods and he jogs off, leaving her to find a seat. She walks around the party again and ends up on the couch in front of this big fish tank. 

“Lara Jean?”

She turns around and see Pammy and Lucas James coming around the couch to sit with her. 

“Pammy! I haven’t seen you in a bit! Hey, Lucas.” 

They all do one-armed hugs before settling down in their seats. 

“I know, with all this junior year craziness, it’s hard to keep up with anyone.” 

Lucas nods, “Yeah, I feel like I haven’t talked to either of you in forever. I know last time I talked to Lara Jean was freshman homecoming.” 

That was a great night. Lucas had been sitting by himself, much like Lara Jean just had been. They talked, complimented each other’s outfits, and danced the rest of the night. It puts a smile on Lara Jean’s face that it meant just as much to Lucas. 

“That was a pretty fun time.” 

They start catching up, trading stories and jokes. Then Pammy nudges Lara Jean. 

“So. Peter Kavinsky. We called it in speech class, didn’t we?” 

As she waggles her eyebrows, Lara Jean nervously tucks her hair behind her ears. Lucas leans in, interested. 

“Wait, is there something going on with you and Peter? That’s for real?” 

Lara Jean shakes her head, “No - is that what it looks like? We’re just - he’s just. We’re friends?!” 

She realizes, as she squeaks the last part out, that her statement might have been more convincing if she weren’t so flustered by the questions. 

“Covey,” Peter’s voice comes from behind the couch, “your drink.” 

All three of them are turned around to face him. Lara Jean takes the cup from him. He holds his own drink in his hands and smiles down at the trio while the silence turns a bit awkward. Pammy shoots up off the couch and pulls at Lucas’s hand. 

“You know what, we need refills! Good to see you, Peter.” 

They scurry off before Lara Jean can ask them to stay. Peter comes around and sits next to her on the couch. 

“Um, I’m sorry if I interrupted?” 

Peter doesn’t look too sorry, mouth twerked to the side like he’s holding back a laugh. Lara Jean shrugs. 

“I think maybe they were just trying to make room for you to sit.” 

Peter nods and Lara Jean takes a quick sip to calm herself. Except the sip is much more tangy than she thought it might be. She manages to swallow it down but Peter caught sight of her soured expression and snapped another quick shot for posterity. 

“This is kombucha,” she gasps out as she switches cups with Peter. 

Still laughing, he apologizes, “I must have handed you the wrong one, sorry.” 

He shows her the picture, scrolling through the different filters as she sips from her real drink. Lucas and Pammy circle back to them but while Pammy sits on the other side of Lara Jean, Lucas opts to pull up an ottoman as a seat near the couch. Peter shows them the picture to get a final say so on the right filter. They’re all laughing about it, even Lara Jean, so it relaxes the scene a bit. Lucas even takes a sniff and debates trying the kombucha himself. Pammy and Lara Jean try and goad him into it but Peter’s still got his phone ready to capture any potential spit take and Lucas knows better. 

A few minutes into the conversation, Peter excuses himself to the bathroom. 

Lucas scoots in, “Okay, no fooling, but I do get the vibe that Peter might be want to be more than friendly.” 

Lara Jean turns to Pammy who’s nodding her agreement. 

“You guys, this isn’t a thing. From what I hear, he’s been pretty flirty with everyone lately. It’s meaningless.” 

Pammy catches her eye and narrows her eyes to show her disagreement. Lara Jean nudges her knee with her own. 

“Don’t you dare bring you-know-what up again.” 

Pammy holds her hands up in mock surrender as Lucas tries to figure them out. 

“What you-know-what are we talking about?” 

Pammy holds out a hand for Lara Jean to start explaining. Lara Jean drains the last of the liquid from her cup. 

“Nothing. It was just a thing that seemed like a much bigger deal than it really ever was.” 

Peter walks back to the group and doesn’t try and take his seat back, just leans down a bit and asks Lara Jean, “Let’s go grab some food, yeah?” 

She puts down her cup and says some quick goodbyes before ducking out and following Peter out of the party. 

“Where to?” she asks as they put on the seatbelts and Peter revs the engine. 

“I don’t know.” 

Lara Jean nods. 

“I know a place.” 

She guides him to a small diner - The Corner Cafe.

They walk in and score a table in the middle with a working jukebox on it. Lara Jean holds out her hand palm up. 

Peter looks at it and back to her eyes. 

“Got a quarter?” 

He hands her one and she puts it in and chooses the song ‘Pretty in Pink’ by The Psychedelic Furs. 

Peter squints as he bobs his head to the beat, “Any chance the movie you wanted to watch is somehow related to this song?” 

Lara Jean nods, “Yup. Sure is.” 

He smirks, “It’s ironic. Since you look so pretty in blue.” 

Lara Jean takes in the expression on his face and decides he’s just trying to joke a bit with her. 

“Well, thanks but that just doesn’t sound half as lyrical as the song.”

A waitress named Joan comes over and takes their order: a plate of fries to share and a couple of Cokes; cherry for Lara Jean. 

“So how’d you like the party?”

Lara Jean nods, “I’ll admit it was a lot better than I thought it might be. I enjoyed myself.” 

Peter smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes. The food arrives and they dig in. As they eat and chat, Lara Jean notices how Peter has his phone pretty much turned off and ignores the consistent chiming of texts. 

She lets him take the last of the fries and finishes her coke before she ask him a question. 

“Did something happen at the party?” 

Peter looks up before casting his gaze down at the empty plate. 

“Gen cornered me by the bathroom.” 

Lara Jean isn’t sure how much she’s supposed to know about him and Gen and the way things ended. But it’s clearly bothering him enough to affect his mood. 

“That had to be super uncomfortable. Did she say something?” 

Peter leans back, shrugging and rolling his shoulders, “Just her usual list of things she thinks I want to hear. It’s not a big deal.” 

“I’m sorry,” she offers, “I know you guys were together a while. It must suck to break up.” 

Peter nods. He picks up the phone and she waits for him to respond to the texts but it looks like he just swipes away the notifications. He looks back up at her, eyes searching her face. 

“I have a question - which you do not have to answer.” 

Lara Jean leans forward, arms laid on the table, “Shoot.”

He motions to her, “Why haven’t you dated anyone?” 

She blinks away the surprise. 

“I don’t know. I don’t really think about it too much.” 

She stops herself. That’s not the truth and if she doesn’t want to answer, Peter said she doesn’t have to. 

“Well, I think about it a lot actually. I think and I dream and I fantasize - “ 

She cuts herself off. Peter’s looking at her and she feels the flushing starting on her face. 

“I mean - what I guess I’m saying is I overthink it. It’s cool to imagine things like dating, where I control everything. But actually doing things like dating? With other people? I don’t know I could do any of it right.” 

Peter leans in a bit, faking a whisper, “I think you’re doing pretty well so far.” 

There’s this long moment where their eyes are locked and she can’t breathe. Then Lara Jean cuts her eyes to the side and leans back in her chair. 

The last song they picked on the jukebox ends. Peter gets up out of the chair and goes to pay the check. 

They walk to the Jeep and climb in. Lara Jean starts to feel worse and worse the longer the silence lasts. 

In the driveway, before she gets out, she turns to him. 

“We’re okay, right?” 

Peter lets out this relieved laugh, “Of course we are. See you Monday morning.” 

Lara Jean nods, “Good night, Peter.”

“Good night, Covey.” 

Lara Jean walks up the stairs to her front door and looks back to Peter in the Jeep. They exchange another quick wave and he pulls away while she steps inside. 

Kitty is passed out on the couch and wrapped in a fuzzy blanket and there's two containers of beautiful cupcakes on the kitchen counter. A little beyond that, is a plate with four “reject” cupcakes. Lara Jean grabs for one. 

“Did Peter come back?”

Kitty's sleepy voice reaches Lara Jean. 

“No, it's kinda late. He just dropped me off.” 

Kitty sits up, rubbing her eyes under the glasses that are still askew from her nap. 

“Well we saved the leftovers for you two so I guess you can have one.”

Lara Jean twirls around and bows, “Thank you so much for this, Miss Kitty.”

“Nevermind, leave it.” 

Lara Jean licks the haphazard frosting just to claim the treat as Kitty trudges up to her room. 

She does, however, put the remaining three in a smaller tupperware container and puts it near the lunchboxes. They'll keep until Monday and if Kitty really wants to, she can give them directly to Peter herself.

Lara Jean gets to her room and sighs. As much fun as she had, it helps to come home to a quiet place to recharge that’s just for her. 

Her phone pings to notify her of an instagram notification. 

It’s another photo Peter posted but not of her kombucha face. It’s after, when Lucas was sniffing and Lara Jean was trying to tip the cup to him and get him to take a drink. Pammy is in the background, laughing. All three of them look great even if the set up seems to make Lara Jean the focal point. The caption reads “Good friends. Good time. Good night.” 

She double taps and then hovers over the comment button. 

Instead, she pulls up a direct message to Peter’s profile, typing, “How many pics did you take tonight?” 

She almost adds “of me” but thinks better of it. He’s pretty prolific on his social media, where as Lara Jean is much more picky and careful in her curation. 

His reply is quick. 

“I only post the good ones” with a wink emoji. 

She laughs and it’s so loud in the middle of the night that she has to respond. 

She replies “Paparazzi Peter” and sends a camera emoji right after. 

The weekend seems a bit long after the rush of Friday night. Lara Jean doesn’t feel like she’s become a party monster overnight but she finds herself weirdly excited for Monday morning. 

She and Kitty grab their lunchboxes before stepping out to wait on the porch for Peter. Kitty must not have noticed the tupperware because she leaves it and Lara Jean is the one to double back and grab it. 

Peter pulls up in the driveway and they load in. 

“What’s in the box?” 

Lara Jean hands it over to him, “Cupcakes; for you.” 

He holds the container in his hands, not moving or speaking. 

Lara Jean motions to it, “They were the ones that didn’t make the cut for the bake sale. Kitty insisted we save them for you.” 

Kitty squawks with indignation at the comment and Peter finally reacts with a laugh. He safely tucks the container in the storage compartment of the center console. 

They drop Kitty off and pull into the car parking lot. Lara Jean gathers her things and Peter fishes his backpack out of the back seat, grabbing the tupperware and holding it out to Lara Jean. 

She pushes back towards him, “No, really, they’re totally yours. I had one on Friday - Kitty granted me that much.” 

Peter still holds it out, “You sure?” 

Lara Jean nods and he abandons everything to rip off the top and grab a cupcake. He shows it to her and then takes a gargantuan bite. It leaves a small smear of the frosting on his upper lip like a very awkward and garishly colored mustache. 

“Uh, Peter, you got . . .” 

She motions to her upper lip. Peter doesn’t wipe at it with his hand but swipes at his lip with his tongue. Lara Jean blinks and lets out a stuttering giggle. 

“Yup. Got it.” 

She closes the Jeep’s door and books it into the school. 

In Chem, he drops a note on her desk before he sits down, facing the right direction. She tucks it under her notebook but opens it halfway through class. 

“Tell Kitty I appreciate the cupcakes. 10/10 would recommend.” 

Lara Jean smiles so wide she has to shake it off her face before the teacher can catch her not paying attention. She flattens it out nicely and seals it in her textbook to give to Kitty later. 

Later in the week, after school, Josh comes by and asks to talk to Lara Jean. They step out to the porch, sitting on some chairs on the side that wraps around the house. 

“So, I’ve heard something and I’m sure it’s not true but I have to ask. Are you dating Peter Kavinsky?” 

Lara Jean frowns. 

“How are you so sure it’s not true?”

Josh’s flippant scoff says it all. She stares him down. She wants him to say it. 

“I mean. Come on. You and Kavinsky? It’s just too . . . opposites that do not attract. Dumb jock and sweet, innocent, nice girl? Doesn’t add up.” 

Lara Jean paces away from him and then comes raring back, ready to tear him down off his high horse. 

“You know how that makes me sound? How mean you sound? I think we’re done talking about this.”

“Wait,” he tries to stop her on her way back into the house, “are you dating him? Lara Jean!”

She turns back to him, “It’s not your business if you’re going to speak to me like this, Joshua Sanderson.” 

She doesn’t slam the door in his face but she closes it before he can respond. Her blood is close to boiling and there’s tension in her shoulders. Lara Jean needs to talk to someone; someone who will understand and not make such rude assumptions about Peter or Lara Jean. 

She’s not dating Peter Kavinsky but who’s to say she’d be wrong to think about it?

Margot makes another Skype call that weekend. They put her on the table while they enjoy a meal - late brunch for the stateside family and a stay-in dinner for Margot. 

“What’s the haps with everyone down there?” she asks when they’re all clearing up and nearing the end of the call. 

Lara Jean scrunches her nose, “Don’t say “the haps”, please.” 

Margot rolls her eyes but the smile is still on her face. Lara Jean scopes things out: Kitty is pulling up something to watch and Dr. Covey is starting the dishes. 

“Actually, do you guys mind if Margot and I go up to my room to talk?” 

Kitty only waves them away and their father nods and turns back to the dishes. Lara Jean grabs the laptop and dashes up the stairs to her room. 

Once the laptop is set down and her door is closed, she turns back to Margot.

“Okay, so Josh came by this week.” 

Margot sits up and adjusts her headphones in her ears, “I thought that might happen.”

Lara Jean raises an eyebrow, “Have you been talking with him?” 

Margot shakes her head, “No, but I figured he might ask you guys about how I’m doing.” 

Lara Jean doesn’t drop the eyebrow. If she didn’t know better, she’d say her sister was preening a bit. 

“He didn’t ask about you.”

Margot lets the shock show on her face. 

“What did he want to talk about then?” 

Lara Jean sighs, “He came by to ask about this rumor about me dating Peter but he phrased it all weird like if I dated him, it’d be the worst thing I could do.” 

Margot shakes her head. 

“I don’t think it’s what he meant - what did he say exactly?” 

Lara Jean frowns, “I don’t remember. Something about Peter being a dumb jock and then me being some innocent little girl. Like I’m Kitty’s age.” 

Margot shrugs a shoulder, “I think he just wanted to say he was looking out for you and your best interests. He was trying to be an older brother figure, probably.” 

“He’s not.”

Lara Jean looks at Margot’s image on the laptop screen. 

“And Peter isn’t some rude stereotypical guy. Josh doesn’t need to protect me from him.”

Margot leans in, “Are you dating Peter?” 

Lara Jean leans back, “He hasn’t asked me out. Not, like, officially. Or anything like that.” 

Margot straightens up, “Well. Okay. So Josh doesn’t like Peter. You’re not dating him. Would it really matter?” 

Lara Jean throws her hands up, “It shouldn’t! I should be able to date anyone I wanted to - Peter or not. And regardless of everything else, Peter is my friend. I don’t want Josh calling him names because he doesn’t think Peter measures up to his standards.” 

There’s so much more to what she’s saying, Lara Jean can hear it in her voice - there’s tenderness and defensiveness. She can see it in the subtle ways Margot is reacting: her eyes going wide and brow furrow softening, like she realizes how much Peter already means to Lara Jean. Her sister mulls it over before speaking. 

“I think I understand now. It’s great you’re expanding your social circle but maybe take it easy with people like Peter. He’s not a bad guy or anything, you’re just . . .”

There’s this pause, only the whir of the laptop in the air.

“You’re from different circles. It’s one of those things. It’ll get better after high school, you’ll see. But for now, that’s the way it is. And if Josh is saying things that make you uncomfortable, you should tell him.” 

Lara Jean nods and drops her head onto her hands in front of the laptop, “Thanks for being the best big sister, Margot.” 

“Thanks for being the best middle sister, Lara Jean.” 

They sign off for the night and Lara Jean goes back downstairs to hang out with Kitty. She feels comforted by her older sister and eager to get back to enjoying the new normal she’s established.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm actually sorry this took so long to get out??? I honestly thought I would finish the whole thing and then just break it up but I'm still mulling over some of the directions I've taken. This is (tentatively) the first half of the bulk of the story. I'm sick of going over and over it so I'm posting (again) as a kick in the butt to move forward instead of the nitpicking editing loops I get stuck in. Hoping to get the rest out next week because I kinda wanna do original stuff for Nanowrimo even if I'm not officially participating this year. 
> 
> Let me know how you feel! Tell me what you think! The comments section is literally yours for the talking!


	3. Part II.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunchtime shenanigans! Gratuitous references sprinkled in! Halloween because it ain't Christmas until December!

Monday morning comes and it occurs to Lara Jean that maybe her relationship with Peter as it stands isn’t what entirely what one would call a friendship. The whole deal/trade thing was great in the beginning but now, with all the things being spread about them and assumptions being made, it would be better if she let him out of these obligations. 

Lara Jean isn’t as talkative on the ride to school, letting Kitty fill up the car with her own chatter. Peter asks questions and lets her talk. He waits until they’re in the high school parking lot to check in with Lara Jean. 

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she shifts in the seat, “just. Maybe it’s time I started driving again? It’s not fair to you.” 

“Not fair? Honestly, Covey, it’s the best part of my day! You wanna drive, that’s cool. But don’t feel like you have to make it up to me somehow.” 

Lara Jean smiles. The worry dulls a little in her chest. They’re friends and she is assured this isn’t a burden for either of them. 

They part ways for the day and Lara Jean lets the skip in her step show. 

Lunchtime rolls around and she heads to Chris’s car again. She’s moved out of the sub phase and now wants to try this group of food trucks that parks near the business district’s car park. 

“Whoa there,” an arm comes up to stop her.

Peter’s stopped her just short of her destination. 

“Where you headed so fast, Covey?” 

Lara Jean nods toward the car and says, “Food trucks with Chris.”

Even she can hear the tired resignation in her voice. She loves her best friend and lunchtime food escapades are great but this whole “different thing every time with little to no warning” is getting old quick. 

He laughs. 

“You sound so enthusiastic.”

Lara Jean shrugs, “She tends to have real luck with this sort of thing. But I miss not shoving all of the meal in my mouth over 15 minutes while watching the clock. I like tasting food sometimes.”

Peter taps his foot and bites at the corner of his mouth. It’s been a while but Lara Jean will always recognize Peter Kavinsky’s Scheming Face. 

“Here’s an offer, Covey - I’m going to the Corner Cafe. Getting a shake and a burger and sitting down at a real table while eating. Care to join me?” 

She wants to say yes but Chris comes crashing into the conversation. 

“Oh no, Kavinsky. You are not getting away with this.”

She’s wrapped her arm around Lara Jean’s shoulders. 

“You already drop her off at school and have two whole classes with her. I get lunchtime.” 

Peter folds his arms in front of his chest, looking directly at her, “I was asking Lara Jean what she wanted to do - isn’t it her choice after all?” 

They both turn to her. People are passing them to get to their own cars, it’s not quite a scene just yet but it grows closer and closer to becoming one. 

“Peter should just come with us!”

Peter nods, “I’m in. But no to the food trucks. I’m getting a burger.”

Chris deflects as she moves to unlock the car, Peter opening the door to get in the back seat and leave the front seat open for Lara Jean. She hasn’t moved. 

“There are burgers at the food trucks! I’m sure at least one of them has a burger on the menu.” 

He counters, “Fine. But if it’s a black bean fake-burger, you owe me money.” 

Peter pops his head back out of Chris’s car, “Covey, you coming?” 

Lara Jean marvels at how easily that was resolved. She nods and jumps into the car. They take off and it’s an adventure. Peter tries to lean over the seat to change the music, Lara Jean politely yells a reminder about seat belts, and Chris drives one handed to change the music herself. 

They tumble out of the car to the the semi-circle of food trucks. The vibe is a bit standoffish, with hipsters creating longer lines in front of the office crowd that really really wants to get their food within industry standard windows of time. Chris is checking her texts with the guy from the thing who gave her the tip about these trucks to see which ones they should hit. 

Peter makes a quick round, ducking around people and checking out the customer’s meals. 

“El Jefe looks like it makes a Cuban sandwich that I’d go to Florida for.” 

“Not Havana?” Chris lets the sarcasm drip in her reply. 

“I don’t have a passport, Chris, so yeah, Little Havana only.” 

Lara Jean stares down one of the more rustic options, “I don’t know - that Korean-Mexican fusion looks promising?” 

Chris nods but frowns down at her phone, “They’re both on the list Beau sent but I’m thinking this one he named as “Turduck-menistan” sounds tight.” 

Peter throws up his hands, “Why don’t we all go to the ones we want to try and meet back here in 15?” 

Lara Jean and Chris meet eyes. 

“Perfect.” 

They synchronize their watches - by way of just checking the time on their phones is the same and the trio splinters off into the respective lines of the trucks. Chris is loaded up for bear first, and nabs them a table off to the side that isn’t directly downwind of the trash cans. Peter gets his Cuban plus another wrapped up and waits by the end of the line Lara Jean is stuck in. They walk together to the table and sit down on the same side, opposite Chris. They toast with their off brand (but none of them the same brand, how does that happen?) colas and dig in. 

Peter demolishes his sandwich in the time it takes the ladies to get halfway through their meal. 

“Okay, I’ll admit. Good choice, Chris.” 

Chris pauses and holds up her phone, “Wait, no, one more, I’ll make it my new ringtone.” 

He tosses his used napkin at her and she catches it, stuffing it in her little baggie for the trash. 

Lara Jean motions to the other sandwich, “Saving it for later?” 

Peter shakes his head, “No, it’s for now but I’m letting the first one sit for a few before I dig into the second. Gotta be sure it takes.” 

Lara Jean makes a face of distaste, “Classy, Peter.” 

He leans a bit in, letting his voice drop into a low gravelly tone like a cowboy from a film, “This ain’t my first food truck rodeo. You learn the tricks after a bit.” 

Chris snaps a quick shot of the pair of them but the shutter sound breaks them out of the moment. Peter straightens up from leaning so far into Lara Jean’s personal space. 

After another few minutes of chowing down, they settle down into a conversation, dwindling down the minutes until they have to go back to school. 

“So,” Peter starts as he folds an extra napkin into a paper airplane, “you going on the ski-trip, Covey?” 

Lara Jean doesn’t choke on her food but the bite sits in her mouth, like a deer stuck in the headlights. 

Chris snaps her fingers in front of her face. Lara Jean swallows the bite whole, wincing. 

“Um, no? Also, it’s October?” 

He shrugs, “Just wondering.” 

Chris leans in, eyes steely and determined, “Seriously? The annual ski trip just happened to cross your mind?” 

Peter leans away from her, rolling his eyes and huffing, “I've never seen her go so I asked in case she does go this year. I didn't ask you because I know you don't do school functions. God.” 

Lara Jean tries to salvage the conversation, “Honestly, I would go if I was guaranteed someone to go with - like Chris.” 

She throws in that tiny clarification because Lara Jean knows full well what usually happens between couples on the ski trip, namely hooking up in the rooms and even, according to Chris, the hot tubs. She isn't looking for that level of coupledom quite yet. Although, now that the thought is there, hanging out in the snow with someone like Peter wouldn’t be too bad even if she never picks up skiing or snowboarding. 

Peter smirks and Lara Jean knows this is the sign of a bad idea brewing. 

“So if I can convince Chris to go, you'll go?” 

Chris looks at him and tries to bore holes into his skull with just the power of her eyes. 

“Sure.” 

Lara Jean knows Chris. Even the ever persuasive Peter Kavinsky won't force her to do anything she doesn't want to do. 

He downs the last of the coke in the can and dunks it in the blue recycling bin from his seat. 

“Well, it looks like it’s time to head back.” 

Peter walks back to the car and Lara Jean and Chris follow, whisper-arguing the entire time. 

Back on campus, Chris parks the car and they all sit back, relaxing until the bell rings. 

“So, why don’t you guys ever eat in the cafeteria?” 

Lara Jean looks to Chris to answer. 

“It’s not like we have a table reserved just for us like you do, Kavinsky.” 

Peter scoffs and shrinks down in the back seat. 

“You guys could always join us, you know.” 

They both turn to look at him. He motions toward the school. 

“Gen and Emily and her whole crowd, they vacated the usual table after . . .” 

He sits up and shrugs a bit, “Whatever, point is, there’s room. Just saying.” 

Lara Jean nods, “Cool. We’ll sit there tomorrow.” 

Chris tilts her head to the side, not completely convinced. Lara Jean pats her hand, “I’ll pack a sandwich for you. You know I’ll make good on it.” 

She agrees to it. The bell rings and the three of them separate to go to class. 

That night, Lara Jean starts a batch of cookies to take the next day. It’s mostly for Chris, to encourage her not to bail once her food is in hand, but also because it’s nice of Peter to invite them to sit with him and the lacrosse guys and she’s sure they won’t turn down free cookies. 

“What’re you doing?” 

Kitty, a connoisseur of Lara Jean’s baked goods, sniffs around the set up. 

Lara Jean points her to a seat on the other side of the island. 

“I’m taking cookies tomorrow for when Chris and I sit at Peter’s lunch table. I’ll set a few aside for you if you don’t dip into the raw dough like you always do.” 

Kitty sticks her tongue out but stays put in the chair. 

“Are you dating Peter?” 

Lara Jean stops stirring, “How is everyone asking me that lately? We’re friends!” 

Kitty doesn’t change topics, “Do you want to?” 

Lara Jean feels her face flare up with a blush. Her feelings are changing to something less and less platonic - or maybe it was always this way and she’s just past the point of denying them - and she knows she’ll have to do something about them but tonight, talking with Kitty, is not the time or place. 

“If I give you a small bit of raw dough, will you leave and stop asking me questions?” 

Kitty holds out her hand. Lara Jean rolls up a tiny ball of dough out of the bowl and puts it in Kitty’s palm. Her little sister trots away to her room. 

In the morning, she packs the lunches, making a second sandwich for Chris. They’re been friends forever; Lara Jean knows it’s turkey on multigrain with bacon and extra mustard, no tomatoes. She stays true to her word and tucks three of the cookies into Kitty’s lunch. The rest she packs into her own lunch and puts it in her bag. 

It isn’t until she’s a few steps from the cafeteria that she loses her nerve and waits by the doors for Chris. She doesn’t realize until she’s halfway through the door in the spillover room that Chris has dragged her into it. 

“What’s going on?” 

Chris shrugs, “Just checking to make sure we’re doing this.” 

Lara Jean pulls out the sandwich and the cookies, “Yes, we are. I have proved myself your provider.” 

Chris’s eyes are still searching Lara Jean’s face. Lara Jean feels the paranoia creeping over her. Is it written all over her face? Would it be so blatantly obvious once they’re at the table and sitting with them? If Chris isn’t okay with this, if this is her way of saying she doesn’t approve, Lara Jean wants to do anything else. 

“If you really don’t want to eat in the caf like everyone else, we can sit outside. Eat out sandwiches on the bleachers . . . or somewhere else.” 

Josh is still at the bleachers most days and he hasn’t been back since their argument. It stings and Lara Jean doesn’t know how to cross the bridge between them to make amends. 

“I mean it. We definitely shouldn’t finish the cookies by ourselves though, I made enough for everyone.” 

This garners a reaction, Chris narrows her eyes, making another pass over her face before nodding.

“No, let’s go to the table.” 

Chris takes her by the arm, grabbing her sandwich, and weaves her way to the usual lacrosse table. Sure enough, there’s a sizable opening of about five seats at one end, including the seat on the right side of Peter. Chris sets her down there, swinging around to sit across from her. 

Peter turns around toward them, smile on his face, “You guys made it.” 

Lara Jean nods. 

Chris rips into her sandwich, “You’re the best, Lara Jean.” 

Lara Jean rolls her eyes but smiles. The two of them don’t immediately hop in on the conversation the lacrosse guys have going but Peter does a good job of trying to rope them in. 

Greg gets to the table, his tray loaded with fries, and when he spots Lara Jean he breaks out into a large grin. 

“Well, well, if it isn’t the Beirut Queen!” 

Lara Jean lets out a loud laugh, “One shot hardly makes me a queen of anything.” 

Chris nudges Lara Jean’s leg with her foot under the table. She mouths a surprised “what” and waggles her eyebrows. 

Greg is actually faster to pull up instagram on his phone and show Peter’s picture to Chris and the others who weren’t at the party. 

Both he and Peter recount the “epic” one-shot hit Lara Jean made as she sits and blushes through the re-telling. Chris shakes her head and starts the small round of applause for her at the end.

Greg scoots around the table and holds out a fist for her to bump. Lara Jean tentatively taps her knuckles to his. He pulls his hand back slowly, splaying his fingers out and making a “boom” sound effect, showing her how the handshake works and she follows suit. Greg nods his approval at her and sits down to join the table. 

The conversation sparks up again, more easily including Chris and Lara Jean. Lara Jean is halfway through her own sandwich when she notices Chris motioning, beckoning someone to the table. She turns around to see Pammy and Lucas coming over with their lunches. There’s still more than enough room at the table so they slip in easily. Pammy makes eyes at Lara Jean and where she’s seated but she cuts it off with a pleading look. Lucas shares his shiny apple with Chris for a promise of chips later. 

It’s not long before they’re all laughing and chatting - like this is how it is everyday. Like this is where Lara Jean and the rest of the group belongs. Her heart thumps rapid and loud in her chest and she doesn’t fight the grin rising to the surface of her face. 

“Okay, cookie time.” 

Chris holds out her hands in a “gimme gimme” gesture. 

Lara Jean deliberately pulls out the package of cookies, slow, and patiently lays it out on the table. Chris rips into it, even more ravenous than her attack on her sandwich, and takes a cookie in each hand. 

Noticing everyone eyeing them, Lara Jean gestures to them. 

“They’re for all of us. Dig in.” 

Before another full second can pass, each person digs in and grabs one. Within the first few bites, most of them reach in for another one, following Chris’s lead. 

In the end, there’s one cookie left. Lara Jean wasn’t expecting to have any, she did in fact eat two burnt ones that were too close to the edge of the pan, so she leaves it out for whomever wants it. 

“Aren’t you gonna take it?” Peter motions to it. 

She shakes her head, “No, I made them for everyone else.” 

Peter looks unconvinced but grabs it anyway. Lara Jean’s head is turned toward Lucas, talking about the next test coming up in Pre-Calculus when she notices Peter placing something in front of her. It’s half of the last cookie. 

She turns to him and he holds up his half. They toast, tapping them lightly, and take their bites. It’s another deal, unspoken but understood, brokered - Lara Jean and Peter will share the last piece when it counts. 

It’s the middle of the semester so the days fall off the calendar as fast as the leaves from trees. It’s a nice new routine though, riding with Peter, seeing him in class and at lunch - where the speech class crew is mostly reunited - and then having him pop over after school sometimes if he doesn’t have lacrosse practice or conditioning. 

They have the 80’s movie night, which is mostly mixed results - Kitty enjoys his counter point of view so long as he doesn’t repeat his mistake of challenging the objective hotness of one Jake Ryan. 

They even have a watch night of some of Peter’s favorites. Lara Jean warily lets Kitty sit in on Fight Club but draws the line at letting her see Se7en. She’s not even sure she sees all of it through her fingers covering her own eyes. 

Halloween appears on the calendar. Lara Jean aches to do something creative for her costume. She doesn’t like getting the “is that from an anime?” comments but something other than her usual standbys is called for this year. 

It begins when she’s shopping the deals on Etsy and stumbles upon the perfect yellow jacket. Next she’s finding just the right accessories per the Google image search. Within an hour, she’s got her costume all set and celebrates with some preening as she bakes in the kitchen. 

Once Kitty sees, she gets her own fantastic Halloween idea that fits in so well. They spend quite a bit of quality sister time together with Lara Jean practicing driving to take her to find some local thrift finds to flesh the outfit out. 

They’re still helping each other with the details and giggling when Peter pulls up in his Jeep. He comes around to open their doors and stops in his tracks. 

“It’s Jubilee!” 

Lara Jean bows and pulls on her pink shades. Kitty bounces on the balls of her feet expectantly next to her. 

Peter looks the black and yellow costume over and scratches at his chin. He’s fighting away a laugh. 

“I’m guessing - Kitty? Kitty Pryde?” 

Kitty does a jump for joy and lands with a loud thunk on the lawn considering she’s using her snow boots as part of her costume. 

“We got it down, right?” 

He nods, “The only thing that could top this is if you told me you convinced Dr. Covey to be Wolverine for Halloween.” 

Kitty rolls her eyes, “He’s gotta go in to the office today so he’s something boring like a guy with an arrow through his head or whatever.” 

She nudges Lara Jean, “Wouldn’t it be perfect if I had a dog I could dress up as the dragon she keeps as a pet?” 

“Lockheed,” Peter offers the name. 

Lara Jean shakes her head, “Yeah, well, we’ll convince Dad the puppy is worth the price of taking care of it all year long for one halloween costume later. School now.” 

They load in and buckle up. Kitty leans forward and taps Peter on the shoulder.

“Hey, I just noticed - you’re not dressed up, Peter. What gives?” 

He shrugs, “I’m saving it for when we make the grand entrance as a group at school. Much better shock value that way.” 

The girls share a look but don’t say anything. Peter’s a ham and a half sometimes but he’s not obnoxious enough to call out. 

Kitty runs out of the Jeep at top speed to show off to her friends. 

Lara Jean and Peter pull into the school parking lot and Lara Jean exits first. 

“You’re gonna change now? Here?” 

Peter shakes his head and holds up his phone, “No, but I brought some stuff for the other guys so we’re meeting out here before class so I don’t have to try and find them in a sea of Harley Quinns and Stormtroopers.” 

She nods and waves a goodbye as she walks away. 

Lara Jean meets up with Chris in her Courtney Love costume at her locker. They get in a few pics together before classes start. 

During homeroom, there’s a costume contest in the gym and Chris and Lara Jean scope out some seats to the side and up in the higher part of the gym seating to watch from afar. 

Lara Jean nudges Chris, “Why didn’t you enter? You’d win something - yours is super awesome.” 

Chris tugs at the hem of her dress, “Yeah but it's different signing up to be judged, literally, than like, everyone coming up and saying “killer costume”. I mean, why didn’t you enter with Peter and the lax squad? You’re a superhero, too.” 

Lara Jean pulls the jacket tighter around her, “No, you’re right. It’s different being formally judged on your costume. Besides, it’s not like Spider-man and Jubilee team up a lot. I think.” 

Chris rolls her eyes and they watch. 

Most people who entered made at least part of their costumes and it’s pretty cool cheering them on. Creative people get the spotlight they deserve if only for 30 seconds on a tarp on the gym floor. 

Peter and the lacrosse team go in one of the last group entries: they’re all superheroes but not necessarily only X-Men or Avengers. Peter’s Parker Spider-man takes the focal point, though. It’s store bought but it’s pretty accurate and Peter’s actions are so on point, Lara Jean expects him to start swinging from webs any second. 

He does, in fact, try to climb the scaffolding and gets ripped off the wall by the gym teacher dressed as Bane which adds to the uproarious cloud of applause for the group. 

Lara Jean’s smile fades as Gen’s group follows them up with her Catwoman grazing close by Peter to get to center stage. Her suit is tight, bordering on inappropriate, and she’s reveling in the attention. Lara Jean looks to Peter for his reaction. He’s clapping but not hollering with the rest of them, shoulders tight. His mask is pulled up and he’s trying to keep any sort of expression off his face.

She doesn’t like that he’s obviously torn but the fact that he’s not all out wolf-whistling at Gen’s figure brings some of her smile back to the surface. He looks up to the crowd in the next moment. His eyes meet hers. He gestures that signature thwip hand gesture at her. Lara Jean tries her best to mimic making fireworks with her hands. Peter laughs and the grin that shows up is genuine. Lara Jean instantly regrets not joining the group costume. 

Chris scoffs, “You guys are dorks.” 

But her voice is warm and her smile is just as serene. 

Peter’s group wins first place and Gen’s group are runners up so they take a large group picture while everyone else files out. Lara Jean tries to catch his eye, maybe get a signal to stay behind. But the crowd that surrounds them is pretty massive and then the class bell rings. 

Lara Jean gets to Chemistry first and starts organizing her lab notes when Peter walks in. He drops a folded note on her desk before he sits down. She peeks at it before the tardy bell rings. 

“Could have used an extra X-Man in the group today. Maybe next year?” with webbing in a couple of the corners of the square. 

Lara Jean tries to keep up her stealth as she uses her highlighters to decorate her reply of “Sure thing, Parker” with streamers framing it. 

When the teacher turns around, she manages to get it over his shoulder and onto his desk. Peter, much more used to note passing, cups a hand over it. He takes notes and even answers a question or two. At the very end of class, when the assignment is being written on the board and everyone is copying it down, he peeks at it. Lara Jean watches him. He reads it and tries to stick it in a pocket before remembering his costume is on. He tucks it in his sleeve, where the glove meets the rest of the costume. Lara Jean tries to wipe the grin off her face, in case anyone is watching them exchange the note. 

Lunch is a crapshoot. The school tries to keep order and every student it can on campus by bringing in the local eateries into the cafeteria. But there’s less room with the vendors taking up a good amount of tables. It ends up with long winding lines everywhere and people in various state of costume undress (it’s hot, being so cramped together) rolling in and out of the buildings and among the great campus. Chris and Lara Jean barely stick together, arm in arm. 

They manage to have a drive-by conversation with Lucas while in line for about 5 minutes. They wave at Pammy as she gets very close with one of Peter’s lacrosse teammates. Lara Jean thinks she catches Josh’s Harry Potter starting at her but he adjusts his glasses and she can’t meet his gaze. Greg catches her on her way out of the cafeteria. 

“Party tonight at my place, 8pm. Tell Kavinsky. I’m sure he’ll swing by you before I get to talk to him.” 

He’s lost in the crowd again before she can get a word in. 

After school, she gets to her locker and sees Peter leaned on the wall next to it. Just like it has been all day, the mask is rolled up but still securely on his head. 

“How’s it hanging, Peter?” 

Lara Jean laughs at her own joke and Peter chuckles a bit with her. 

“Spectacular, of course. How’s your day been?” 

Lara Jean puts her books away, “Uncanny. Well, not really. It was good.” 

She puts everything she needs for her homework in her backpack and zips it back up. 

“Oh, Greg said he’s having a party at his place. 8 o’clock.” 

She doesn’t mention or ask why Greg assumed she would see him first. 

Peter nods, “Cool. It’s usually costumes only so unless you’re set on changing . . . ”

He trails off. Lara Jean slowly closes her locker door. 

“Wait, I’m invited too?” 

Peter laughs, “Yeah. I mean. Greg isn’t gonna use you as a messenger pigeon. Plus, he’s probably hoping to further your Beirut win streak.” 

Lara Jean wavers in her steps. Everything about this suddenly feels like a gray area she hasn’t figured out just yet. 

“I don’t know. I think Dad’s barely gonna make it home around that time. I can’t just leave Kitty at home to party on a school night.” 

Peter straightens up, “Okay, so we’ll hang with her until Dr. Covey gets home. That’s no punishment. We don’t have to stay late either. It’s Halloween, Lara Jean, get into the spirit. Pun totally intended.”

Lara Jean motions to his costume, “You sure? That costume can’t be comfortable. And don’t you have practice?” 

“Coach does not expect miracles like focus from a group of teen guys on a candy-and-party holiday. Plus, I’m like 1000% prepared to live in this thing in the event I get bit by a spider and actually become Peter Parker. I’ll be fine.” 

They pick up a very grateful Kitty and get back to the Covey household in time to start a movie and get the candy ready. 

“Do you guys really expect trick or treaters this early?” 

Peter tries and fails to snag a fun-size Snickers for himself. Kitty puts the bowl on the side table near the door. She makes eye contact as she rips open a mini box of Nerds and gobbles it all up. 

“Savage.” 

Lara Jean smacks his arm and offers him a bowl of popcorn she popped for the movie. 

“Most of the neighborhood is younger kids now. People want them out and back home before dark on a weeknight. Plus, the earlier we hand out the majority, the quicker we can say there’s leftovers we can hoard for ourselves.” 

Peter takes the bowl and starts munching. 

“Okay, point taken. What movie are we watching?” 

The sisters reply in sync, “Hocus Pocus.” 

Peter sits up and puts the bowl on the table. 

“No offense but I’ve seen that movie more times in the last 31 days than I have since birth. What else we got?” 

Lara Jean comes back from the kitchen with drinks for each of them, “Nothing too scary or gory. The door’s gonna be open a lot with small children around.” 

Kitty frowns, “Ugh. But gore and jumpscares are like, 80% of the point of Halloween!” 

Lara Jean shrugs. 

Kitty scrolls through the selection at hand, “What about Casper?” 

“The ancient cartoon?” Peter asks. 

“Do you think all movies before this decade are super old? Casper is perfect.” 

They put it on and wait for the doorbell to ring. Kitty’s the one most likely to answer, given that she usually takes a piece for herself as she doles the candy out. Peter, surprisingly, gets really into the movie. 

At the end, when Amelia shows up in the stained glass window to talk to Dr. Harvey, Lara Jean hears a sniffle and catches Peter wiping at his eye. 

“Are you crying?” 

He shakes his head and jumps up to answer the door before the parent even rings the bell. Kitty and her share a look but don’t mention it again. 

After it’s done rolling the credits, they migrate to the kitchen for a snack that won’t rot their teeth. Kitty and Peter are seated at the island while Lara Jean chops up some fresh veggies to add to the green salad mix. 

“I’m just saying, if I were a ghost, I’d totally haunt somewhere good. Like a mansion that isn’t in the middle of nowhere.” 

Peter nods, “Yeah but the point is you don’t get to choose? You kinda get stuck wherever it is that you passed. So, maybe, just make sure you don’t have unfinished business and avoid the ghost problems all together.”

Lara Jean agrees, “That’s the best plan - I mean, look at Amelia. She doesn’t have any unfinished business but she still gets to come back and see Dr. Harvey and Kat when they need her most - it’s like she’s always there but not stuck there. I think that’s way better.” 

There’s a long beat of pause before Kitty asks a question. 

“Do you think that’s how it would be with Mom? If we really, really needed her, she’d be there?” 

Lara Jean stops tossing the chopped veggies in the bowl. 

“Of course, Kitty.”

The doorbells rings. It’s late enough to be one of the last trick or treaters. 

“I’ll get it,” Kitty assures them and walks away. 

Lara Jean continues making the salad. 

Peter leans in, “Do you really think so?” 

She looks up and meets his eye. She shrugs and leans in as well. 

“For stuff like that, I’d rather believe and be wrong than not be open to it and finding that I missed out.” 

Kitty walks back with the bowl but doesn’t sit back down. 

“That was a kid with a literal sheet with holes cut in it. I’m calling it. I’ll be upstairs with these babies.” 

Lara Jean calls after her, “You better eat some of this salad with Daddy when he gets home! I mean it, Kitty!” 

Peter laughs. 

“She’s been sneaking bits all night. It’s like two Twix and a couple of orange Starbursts, I’m sure.” 

Lara Jean looks down at the salad. 

“Do you want some?” 

Peter gets up and helps get out some bowls and forks, “It’s probably better to have something now rather than wait for the party.” 

Lara Jean swerves around him to get out some different dressings they have. The two of them set up and sit down to their salads before Lara Jean can realize how easily they both walk around the kitchen. They crunch on the salads in silence for a bit. 

Peter drinks from his water glass and sets it down. 

“I think I’d be the one closed off to that - the idea that someone could be there but not, like, actually there.” 

Lara Jean stops eating and lets him continue. 

“My dad, he left my mom; he’s not gone, gone. But. Every time he says he’ll be there or he’s thinking of us. I just can’t help but think it’s a lie.” 

Lara Jean taps her fork on the edge of the bowl. 

“It’s understandable. I mean, that’s based on trust. The idea that he means it. It’s not wrong, Peter. You’re guarding yourself.” 

Peter nods. 

Lara Jean leans in a bit, “And I get if it makes you feel guilty too. I forget sometimes that it wasn’t always just the four of us.”

Lara Jean swallows some air, letting her voice come back to her. 

“But it’s usually a fleeting thing. I try not to beat myself up over it but - ”

Peter finishes for her, “But you feel it anyway. Because you’ve got Kitty and I’ve got Owen and it’s like we can’t just be us, we also gotta be better for them.” 

She nods. 

Peter pokes at the salad and then laughs, small and quiet. 

“This is some deep stuff for a school night, Covey.” 

Lara Jean point at him with her fork, “Says the guy waiting to go party on a Wednesday.”

“Touche.” 

Dr. Covey arrives with take out and the two of them take their leave with a promise Lara Jean will be home by midnight. 

“Classic reference, Dr. Covey.” 

He smiles but sees them out the door and watches them get into the Jeep just the same. 

The party isn’t as low-key as Lara Jean would expect for a school night but after conquering one party, she’s at least mostly ready for the next one without as many jitters about how to act. 

She finds herself in the kitchen with Peter, Pammy, and a bunch of lacrosse guys as they play around with random drink mixing. The drinks they’re making are hardly digestible but it’s kind of fun watching them take small sips and practically gagging. Lara Jean takes one big whiff of a “Kitchen Sink” drink of all the bottles on the table combined but passes it down before it can come anywhere near her lips. Pammy laughs and won’t even hold the cup, keeping her hand up so it doesn’t even come close. Then her face falls. 

Lara Jean turns her head and watches Gen walk into the kitchen. She’s still wearing the Catwoman costume, the zipper pulled down to just above the center front gore of the bra she’s wearing. 

“Hey guys,” she extends the last syllable out, “and Lara Jean.” 

Lara Jean will not rise to the bait. She makes eye contact with Pammy and grins it out. Pammy raises her eyebrows and stands a little straighter, waiting for Lara Jean’s next signal. Gen ignores them both to talk to the lacrosse guys. She leans forward across the island. 

“Whatcha got going on here?” 

One of them passes her the offending drink and she sets it down with a smirk. 

“Oh, that kiddie stuff was fun the first few times. Why not do something really high stakes? Maybe a drinking game - Never Have I Ever?” 

She turns to Lara Jean, “The game is based on naming things you’ve never done - you’ll have the biggest advantage. Or is it a handicap?” 

Peter storms around the island, and while Lara Jean is sure he wants to say something to Gen, he just pulls Lara Jean by the arm away from the kitchen. He weaves them through the crowds out to the back porch and the edge of Greg’s huge pool. 

“Fuck.” 

Lara Jean laughs, startled out of their weird silence, “What?” 

He motions to the pool, “I can’t sit at the edge and stick my feet in. Bummer.” 

Lara Jean rolls her eyes. She sits down, takes off her boots and socks and sticks her feet in. It’s heated or she wouldn’t have bothered doing it just to poke fun at Peter. 

“That’s too bad.” 

“Way harsh, Covey.” he whines. 

He sits down next to her, knees pulled up. 

She lets them both settle in. 

“Thanks for getting me out of that.” 

“You’re welcome.” 

She looks at him. When he’s a little spaced out, watching the pool reflect the moonlight, she splashes him. 

“And also thanks but no thanks for next time because I can fight my own battles.” 

He starts to argue but just shakes his head, “Got it. I just - I was just as mad and eager to leave that scene.” 

Lara Jean nods. Peter scoots closer to the edge, taking his gloves off to touch the water with his hands. 

“Peter,” she starts. 

He looks back at her, face open and calm. She wants to ask what they’re doing here. She wants to know how he feels, what he’s thinking all this time. She wants to lean in. 

“Why did you cry at Casper?” 

Lara Jean has no idea how that’s the first question out of her mouth but it’s happened. Peter guffaws out loud and leans back on his hands. 

“Because. It’s supposed to make you feel something.”

Lara Jean lifts one eyebrow in disbelief. He shakes his head.

“And I get it, what it’s like for you because of your mom being gone. I mean, as much as I can get it. I think we’ve covered how my thing with my dad is different.” 

“Empathy. That’s what made you cry.”

She nudges his shoulder with her own, “It’s the sign of a very emotionally mature person.” 

Peter laughs, loud and sudden, “I’m very mature, Covey. I’m practically an adult - gonna have a beard and everything.” 

He lifts his chin and scratches at it for her benefit. Lara Jean reaches out to touch his chin and call it smooth - grizzly, Peter is not - but misses slightly and ends up running her hand up his jaw. She knows she should pull away but they’re locked in place; that same breathlessness from the night at the Corner Cafe coming back. Just like the pool, Peter’s eyes are reflecting the light of the moon. The golden flecks aren’t visible but Lara Jean’s lost all the same. 

A group of people come out and start hopping in the pool. They don’t splash or even seem to notice Lara Jean and Peter. It’s just as well, Lara Jean’s hand had left Peter’s face as soon as the back door had opened. The pair of them edge away as Lara Jean dries her feet off and puts her shoes back on. 

“We should get you back.” 

Peter’s not meeting her eyes but his arm does wrap around her shoulder to guide her through the party and into the Jeep. 

The windows are rolled up to shut out the late night wind and the heater rumbles over the low volume of the radio. Lara Jean wants to watch his face, see if everything has changed for them or not. But there’s that nagging fear that she doesn’t want to know the real answer that keeps her looking out the window. 

When they pull up to the Covey household, she glances and notices the time is about twenty minutes before her Cinderella curfew. The front living room lamp is on, as it always is if one of the girls is still out, but Lara Jean bets her father is already ready to turn in. 

“It’s cold. Wanna come in and grab some hot chocolate?” 

He stares at her. 

“Are you serious?” 

She opens the door to hop out and a strong fall breeze rips its way into the vehicle. 

“Last chance, Peter.” 

He nods his head and turns the engine off. 

They walk in and sure enough, Kitty is in bed and Dr. Covey is in his room. Lara Jean turns off the lamp and switches the kitchen lights on. Peter sits at the island, same seat as much earlier in the night. She settles for making instant mix but actually puts a saucepan of milk on the stovetop since the whole point to get a bit warmer. 

She serves Peter first in a mug shaped to look like a pumpkin and then pours her own serving in the mug Kitty made for her father for Father’s Day a few years back. She only used one T in Kitty and now refuses to let him drink from it in front of her. 

He sips the chocolate before setting it down, “It’s too quiet.”

Lara Jean hums as she blows at her steaming mug, “Yeah, it gets like that around here this late.” 

She hadn’t meant for it to sound so lonely and resigned but it’s the truth. 

Peter points at the living room, “Let’s just pull something up, just for background noise.” 

They settle in the couch and end up pulling up an older Halloween marathon that’s winding down for the night. They end up kind of razzing it, giggling and scoffing at the lackluster effects. 

“Okay, one thing about Casper that kind of bugs me - how is the whole “Can I keep you?” thing not super creepy?” 

Lara Jean turns and stares at Peter, “It’s only the sweetest thing he can ask. He’s asking to stay with her - Casper doesn’t have his dad anymore and he can’t even play with all the toys his parents got him; he’s stuck. He’s naive, maybe, again he was like 12 when he died. It’s all very much a first romance.

“Asking “Can I keep you?” for him is like when someone asks before kissing a person. It’s the dreamy sort of thing you do when you’re that young and in puppy love.” 

Peter frowns, “I never got that either. You know when someone wants to kiss you because you’re both leaning in. Why even ask the question?” 

Lara Jean sighs, “First of all, consent is always key so jot that down. Second of all, it’s not that you don’t know, it’s just . . . ”

She searches for the right word, motioning with her hand, “It’s about sharing the moment.” 

Peter’s got a sarcastic looking smirk on his face. 

“Right, okay. Maybe I’m just not that sort of romantic. Too emotionally mature for it.” 

Lara Jean sits up, her competitive streak coming out, “And that makes me too dreamy eyed to be mature?” 

He shrugs. 

“I bet you would be swept up in that sort of thing if you really liked the girl.” 

She doesn’t mention Gen and the laundry list of things she probably insisted Peter do as a way keeping the romance up to her standards. It’s too soon and too tender as a fresh wound. But she knows Peter - she’s seen how kind he can be when he wants. He’ll play it cool but he’s a romantic like her, maybe just with different ways of showing it. 

“I don’t know.” 

Lara Jean is only half serious when she looks him dead in the eye and asks, “Can I kiss you, Peter Kavinsky?” 

She expects a no or even some funny joke about it. Peter’s flirtiness has only gone so far and both of those moments where she almost thought it might end up like this were shattered before anything could happen. 

“Yes,” he says it without hesitation. 

Just as sudden, Lara Jean leans in and presses her lips to his. 

It isn’t like their first kiss; all those nerves and lack of experience. But somehow it is also a lot like she remembers: his lips are just like last time - she can taste the hot chocolate on them. Peter’s still got a smirk on his face but she can feel it fade as he begins to kiss her back. She gets lost in it, pressing closer. Peter’s arm comes around her shoulder from where it rested on the back of the couch. 

The sound of a door opening ends it. They separate and turn to see Dr. Covey walking to the kitchen. By the genial smile on his face, they can guess he hadn’t seen them. 

“Hey guys, just getting some water.” 

Lara Jean springs up and grabs the half empty mugs, taking them to the kitchen to keep her father out of the living room. They exchange a few words, her valiantly not looking back to the couch. Her father exits the kitchen with a quick nod and “goodnight” thrown over his shoulder. 

Peter stands up, “I gotta get going.” 

Lara Jean walks to him to the door. He turns around, on the doorstep, to face her. 

“Goodnight, Lara Jean.” 

She stands up on her tiptoes and kisses him again - on the cheek. 

“Goodnight, Peter Kavinsky.” 

Peter opens his mouth like he’s gonna say something then just nods and leaves. She closes the door but watches from the near window as the Jeep pulls away and drives down the street. Once the headlights fade from view, she turns off the lights and goes to her room. 

With the door closed, everyone else in bed, and only her thoughts for company, Lara Jean starts to panic. 

She wants to talk to someone. She starts to text Chris but then realizes it’s pretty late - and then it occurs to her. It’s late enough that Margot just might be up for classes. She pulls over her laptop and makes the Skype call. 

Margot answers immediately, “Is everything alright? Is something wrong?” 

Lara Jean shakes her head, “Nothing terrible! Not an emergency!” 

Margot deflates with relief. 

“I kissed Peter Kavinsky.” 

Margot doesn’t immediately react. Her body is so still, Lara Jean checks to make sure the call isn’t frozen. 

“Okay. So, you kissed him. What did you say afterward?” 

Lara Jean winces a bit, “Um. Well. Daddy walked in so we didn’t really say anything afterward? I kissed him on the cheek goodnight?” 

Margot nods, “Well, it was one kiss. It doesn’t have to mean anything.” 

Lara Jean tilts her head to the side, her brow furrowed. 

“Do you want it to mean something?” 

Lara Jean shakes her head and covers her face with her hands, “I don’t know.” 

“Lara Jean,” Margot waits for Lara Jean to look up before continuing, “go to sleep. It’s late.” 

They sign off and Lara Jean crawls into bed. She runs it over and over in her head: the kiss from seventh grade, the kiss on the couch, Peter on her doorstep. It creates a night of very restless sleep. 

In the morning, she’s nervous and trying not to show it. Kitty has to remind her to grab her jacket and her lunch. 

“What’s with you today? You’re even more flighty than usual.” 

Lara Jean doesn’t answer, just continues fidgeting. 

Peter drives up and hops down to pull open the doors for them, as he does most of the time. He’s smiling but not particularly focused on Lara Jean, giving her a moment to catch her breath. 

She starts to climb in but her shoe slips on the foothold. Her right hand goes to steady herself on the car door but Peter’s hand grabs it first, his other hand on her back for support. 

“Thanks.” 

Her face is flush with embarrassment, she’s sure. She looks down at Peter’s face; he’s got the beginnings of a blush on his cheeks but his grin is as sure as ever. 

“You’re welcome.” 

She climbs in and sits in the seat but Peter’s hand doesn’t leave hers until she’s settled. Lara Jean memorizes the way his fingers slide away from hers. It feels like that moment in Regency romances when the romantic leads finally make significant progress that’s mirrored by physical contact. Lara Jean knows the thought is a bit dramatic but she revels in it just the same.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did use Peter's costume from the books but Lara Jean's is a wink wink nudge nudge type reference to X-Men Apocalypse and Kitty's costume came from that decision. 
> 
> Also, the ending keeps running away from me but I'm determined to get it out. It'll be the last part if the whole thing doesn't run away from me and push out an epilogue.

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so this is a new fic that I started nearly immediately after finishing my last fic. I've been having problems getting the second part of this one down but I did happen to write in a year gap that breaks up this prologue from the rest of the story. I'm putting this up as a motivator - I'm gonna get this thing down and finish this WIP. I believe in myself! Also, the last work hit 300 kudos and I'm trying to celebrate that a bit. 
> 
> Feel free to bug me in the comments if it seems like I've given up on this - hold me accountable!


End file.
